Alone
by Lady Carrea
Summary: One night late at the Guild Lorlen is sat thinking.


Lorlen sat at his desk. It was yet another late night for him and the stack of work never seemed to dwindle. It was peaceful at this time, just before midnight, and yet Lorlen despite him preferring to sit in the waning light writing away as usual, he felt alone. The burden of his job weighed heavily upon his shoulders and even with Osen's help he still had much work to do. Lorlen sighed. He longed for someone to be close to. Leaning back in his chair, he pulled back the blind slightly. No lights shone at the High Lord's Residence. _Even Akkarin isn't awake at this hour. Not that he'd want to see me like this. _Lorlen imagined him crossing his arms at him spouting yet another lecture about him being the best Administrator, and finally offering him a large glass of his favourite wine. Lorlen smiled._ He always says it so sternly and I can't help but laugh at him. I wonder if he ever gets lonely... _

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Akkarin walked silently through the Guild. Bathed only in moonlight, he made his way across the courtyard. The fountain gurgled as the water trickled down and yet it was a comforting sound. Despite having magic to cool his room, Akkarin felt hot and could not sleep. The air outside was no cooler, but it felt better somewhat. Closing his eyes, Akkarin breathed deeply and exhaled. After a few minutes he found himself yawning, and so he stood once more and headed back towards the Residence. A small twinkle caught his eye as he passed the University and he smiled. Instead of walking up the crumbling path to his home, he walked to the University entrance and went to the source of the light. He knocked lightly and the door swung inwards effortlessly.

"What are you doing working at this hour Lorlen?"

"If this is working, then I'd enjoy it much more. I'm actually just sat thinking." Lorlen smiled sadly.

"Then come think outside, if you stay cooped up in here you'll go mad." Akkarin said concerned. Lorlen quickly put away his pen and the loose papers then followed Akkarin out the door.

"So why are you up so late?" Lorlen asked when outside sat on a bench in the gardens.

"I can't sleep. I much prefer sitting out here than trying to sleep. It's hard to believe the Guild can be so quiet." He replied chuckling.

"Maybe you should come and do some of my work. You'll be asleep in an instant."

"How do you manage then?"

"I set my globe light extra bright so it keeps me awake." Lorlen joked.

"I don't know why you stay up so late, surely you must get lonely cooped up there." Lorlen smiled sadly and muttered under his breath, "more than you can imagine."

Akkarin looked at him sidewards. "You know, if you ever want some company I'm happy to sit up there with you."

"Even when you are irritable from lack of sleep?" Lorlen laughed. Akkarin reached out, held Lorlen's shoulder and looked directly into his eyes. "I'm serious. You've got the hardest job in the Guild and you shouldn't have to suffer alone."

"Thank you." He replied sincerely. Lorlen rested his head back and looked up to the bright moon. After a while he said "I do actually like it - my job, and the late nights are fine sometimes... I just... Everyone always looks to me for answers and my work load goes up. Sometimes I would like to have some proper time to myself. But I can't." Lorlen pulled his head back and sighed heavily. Tears welled slightly in his eyes, yet he daren't wipe them away for fear of Akkarin seeing him cry.

"You shouldn't let your work take over." Akkarin replied softly. "Nobody would think badly if you stopped at a more appropriate time. They'll just have to wait. Maybe a few nights of amusing conversation at the Night Room will help."

"Maybe... But I don't think it will long term."

"Ah, then what you need is someone to love you." Akkarin replied smiling. Lorlen snorted softly.

"And do you really think they'd stick around. Most of my day is filled with work!"

"Then you find someone from the Guild who knows what stresses you go through each day." He counteracted.

"You are making this sound all so easy. Maybe it is for you, but I barely get noticed!" Lorlen scoffed. Akkarin laughed at him. "And you think getting hundreds of marriage proposals is any better?"

"Probably not." Lorlen grinned back at him. "But I am not interesting like you, I'm dull and boring."

"Well I don't think you are dull and boring." Akkarin said with a half smile upon his lips. Lorlen looked at him incredulously, Akkarin's eyes held an all too familiar mischievous glint. His gaze was steady and Lorlen felt himself blush at the intensity. _Or is it more than that?_ He quickly looked away in shock of his thoughts. _Do I really haver stronger feelings that I realised? Surely all I need to do is... _Lorlen slowly faced Akkarin again and he felt his heartbeat race. He stopped and actually _looked_ at him, and saw much more than he had before. His pale skin glowed in the moonlight, and his eyes glittered, reflecting the stars. A slight shiver rolled down his spine. _How could I have not known... Am I actually attracted to my best friend?_

"Lorlen, you are giving me the weirdest look..."

"Huh?" Lorlen snapped out of his thoughts. "Oh. Sorry. I just..." His eyes strayed down Akkarin's face as he finished, "had a thought." _I need to leave. I can't feel like this. It is wrong. _"I should go."

"Why? What did you realise?"

"Nothing." Lorlen said hastily. He stood up and turned to leave. "Thank you for keeping me company, I-"

"Lorlen." Akkarin interrupted, standing up and moving beside him. "You know you can tell me anything. Absolutely anything." He ended in a whisper.

"I... I can't. I'm sorry." He said walking away. _He could never understand. I don't want to ruin this friendship... But what if I am wrong. _He stopped. _And what if doing something now makes him stay away. Could I bear being knowing the feelings are unrequited? _Turning back he saw the pained expression on Akkarin's face. _I don't want to hurt him. But what would hurt him more?_

"I realised that I have deeper feelings for you than I knew." He said barely audible. Akkarin's eyes widened in shock, and a wave of pain washed over Lorlen. _He knows. And it's unrequited._ With teary eyes, Lorlen fled as fast as he could. _How could I be so stupid! _Hurried steps fell behind him, and Lorlen quickened his pace. _No! Leave me alone! _He cried out inside. Arms embraced him from behind and held him still. Akkarin held him tight and leant close against him. He turned Lorlen round and wiped away the tears streaming down his face. "Lorlen." He said softly. Lorlen scrunched his eyes and tried to turn away. "No. I understand."

"No you don't." Akkarin soothed, resting his arms on Lorlen's shoulders. He pulled him close into a deep hug against his chest. "You don't understand at all." He gently stroked down Lorlen's hair, down his face, and under his chin. He tilted his head up and placed a tender kiss upon Lorlen's lips.


End file.
